The Plate Warrior (a pre-quel to Thunderbowl)

Beebee and Pati decided to have a quick light meal in the Lido Deck self service dining area. They found a time and place where food was the most precious thing on Earth (actually, on water) despite the surplus. Sparks flew from silverware moving at blinding speeds and every man (and woman) was a law to him- (or her-) self concerning the direction of the line around each serving station. (Diners on land in civilized countries seem to understand that a line begins at the end with the plates. Diners on this Lido deck understand that they need a plate, but then attack the food from any end or angle, bestowing annoyed looks and snide remarks on those who follow normal conventions.)

The sound system blasted Tina Turner singing "We don't need another hero (but that BLT looks interesting)" while marauders in motorized chairs zoomed from station to station at intimidating speeds. Others stepped suddenly into the paths of unwary passers-by or defiantly walked backwards carrying head-sized mounds of food as trophies. It was gruesome (or at least goosome) - especially when the pitiful remains of plate after plate filled the edges of each dining table. A land of eat or be -- well, that's about it -- just eat. It was like the TV show "The Walking Dead" with a twist: this time it was "The Walking Fed." All those bloated bodies staggering around with Hollandaise dripping from their slack (actually well-toned) jaws.

Many of the diners in the Lido seemed to be in a uniform which consisted of a white Carnival Cruise Line bathrobe and flip-flops. Pati and Beebee saw one of the men in uniform (think Jabba the Hut) and his wife ("Please, call me Chewey!") at a table nearby. A larger robe would have been a fashion plus. Pati thought the uniforms signified a religious order of some kind because of the expressions of bliss (early diabetic coma?) the adherents wore on their faces -- possibly the Order of the Double Cheeseburger. In any case, they chanted something about Friars (or was that friers?).

Just when Pati and Beebee thought it was the end, they found an escape route that none of the plate warriors could use to follow them -- they took the stairs.

Time update: local time = EST + 4
Distance traveled at 7:49 am ship time: 3104 nm
Sea depth: 17,400 ft

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The World's Lowest Calorie Dish

Last night at dinner, Pati and Beebee selected from among several options the one appetizer labeled as heart-healthy. It was described as tiger shrimp with some additional seafood ingredient.

When the plates arrived, they each contained a small green gelatinous puck topped with one toothpick-sized sprig of green onion stalk, all this surrounded by 6 circular orange smears on the plate.

Pati and Beebee stared at their plates, trying to decide whether some additional ingredient might be arriving on a separate plate. Pati automatically reached for his glasses, hoping the additional magnification might increase the portion size, but gave that up when he realized the futility of it: 2.25 times nothing is still nothing.

The waiter appeared as Pati and Beebee began to scrape the firmly-attached smears from their plates. Beebee asked him "Is this it?" He said it was, and they all had a good laugh.

The puck, though small, was wasabi-flavored and tasty. (How thin were the smears? So thin that the tiger shrimp had lost its stripes.)

As they finished the ersatz appetizer, the waiter re-appeared with shrimp cocktails for them both, which they were happy to get.

There is a lesson here: when the menu says "low calorie," ask yourself (as the wait staff did during their dance performance during the meal) "How low can you go?"

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