Ayurveda means life (ayur) science (veda). It is an Indian medical system that depends on diet, herbs, massage, and oils. While Pati is a sceptic, he wanted to give it a try so he and Beebee went to an ayurvedic clinic in Fort Cochin.
Upon their arrival, the receptionist gave Pati and Beebee a services guide that included pictures of the treatments. They were glad to see the pictures since, otherwise, they would have had no idea what they were asking for. Pati found a row of pictures that included pouring oil on one's forehead. Ever since he observed a minor accident at Jiffy Lube he had wanted to try that. Beebee studied the pictures until she found a row that did not include forehead oil dripping and chose it.
As they were waiting to enter their separate treatment rooms, Beebee told Pati "If I scream, I expect you to come and save me!" When Pati realized she was serious, he said he would. (About half an hour later, Pati realized he hadn't asked Beebee to come save him if he screamed.)
Pati and Beebee entered their separate treatment rooms. Pati's therapist was standing about six inches from him and said "Put you clothes on this hook" pointing to a hook on the wall next to Pati. Pati waited a second for the therapist to leave so Pati could disrobe but it became clear he wasn't going anywhere. Pati was uncomfortable but disrobed to his briefs. The attendant then handed Pati what appeared to be a three inch wide and eighteen inch long piece of crepe paper with a waist string, pointed to Pati's briefs, and said "Those too." (This was the point where Pati realized the "scream protocol" was incomplete.) Pati complied and couldn't decide if he looked more like a sumo wrestler or Baby Huey.
The therapist then sat Pati on a stool and gave him a head and shoulder massage. The stuff the threrapist was rubbing on Pati's head smelled nice and felt OK (but not magical). Aside from the fact that Pati was naked except for a flimsly paper thong, the treatment wasn't too bad. This part of the massage lasted fifteen minutes. The therapist then got a towel and carefully - a little too carefully for Pati's liking - cleaned his feet. After this the therapist produced a step stool and told Pati to use it to climb on a wooden massage table and lie down on his back. With paper thong flapping, Pati did as he was told.
The therapist then massaged the entire front (sans the bit covered by the thong) of Pati's body including both sides of his arms and legs with a liberal application of sandlewood oil. Pati thought "This is pretty embarrassing but at least I didn't have to roll over." The therapist then said "Roll over" to Pati (Pati again wished that he and Beebee had been more careful in developing their scream for help protocol).
Pati rolled over with considerable effort since he found himself more slippery than any fish. The massage continued on Pati's backside, backside included. After about a total of thirty minutes, the front and back massage ended - much to Pati's relief. It was now time for oil to be poured on Pati's head. The therapist again said "Turn over." Pati found this even more difficult than the first time and wondered if this massage was covered by his travel insurance.
When Pati finally flopped over, a second therapist entered the room (great) and prepared Pati for the oil application. The second therapist put plugs in Pati's ears, covered his eyes with something white, and tied a string around the upper half of Patti's forehead (Pati is pretty sure the mechanics at Jiffy Lube do this too). Then the warm oil started flowing from a brass bowl with a hole in the bottom. Pati peeped around the white things covering his eyes and estimated that the bowl would hold about sixteen ounces of oil. After about a gallon of oil had dripped on Pati's head he realized that the therapist team must have been recycling the oil. Eventually the treatment ended.
Pati was pretty oily at this point and looked forward to showering in the small bathroom attached to the treatment room. That was a mistake. After another very careful foot wiping, the therapists walked Pati to the bathroom and sat him on the toilet (lid down - Pati's first break). They then filled a five gallon bucket with extremely hot water and used a large measuring cup to pour the water on Pati, lathering him all the time. They then rinsed Pati and meticulously dried him with towels. Even though - under careful supervision - they let Pati partially dress himself they again carefully wiped his feet, put on his socks, and tied his shoes.
Pati then paid for his and Beebee's treatments and gave all the therapists a nice tip (so they would never do this to him again). At the end he asked Beebee what she thought of her treatment. She said nothing but gave Pati one of her special looks. She then abruptly spun a 540 degree turn on her heels and oiled out the door.
Upon their arrival, the receptionist gave Pati and Beebee a services guide that included pictures of the treatments. They were glad to see the pictures since, otherwise, they would have had no idea what they were asking for. Pati found a row of pictures that included pouring oil on one's forehead. Ever since he observed a minor accident at Jiffy Lube he had wanted to try that. Beebee studied the pictures until she found a row that did not include forehead oil dripping and chose it.
As they were waiting to enter their separate treatment rooms, Beebee told Pati "If I scream, I expect you to come and save me!" When Pati realized she was serious, he said he would. (About half an hour later, Pati realized he hadn't asked Beebee to come save him if he screamed.)
Pati and Beebee entered their separate treatment rooms. Pati's therapist was standing about six inches from him and said "Put you clothes on this hook" pointing to a hook on the wall next to Pati. Pati waited a second for the therapist to leave so Pati could disrobe but it became clear he wasn't going anywhere. Pati was uncomfortable but disrobed to his briefs. The attendant then handed Pati what appeared to be a three inch wide and eighteen inch long piece of crepe paper with a waist string, pointed to Pati's briefs, and said "Those too." (This was the point where Pati realized the "scream protocol" was incomplete.) Pati complied and couldn't decide if he looked more like a sumo wrestler or Baby Huey.
The therapist then sat Pati on a stool and gave him a head and shoulder massage. The stuff the threrapist was rubbing on Pati's head smelled nice and felt OK (but not magical). Aside from the fact that Pati was naked except for a flimsly paper thong, the treatment wasn't too bad. This part of the massage lasted fifteen minutes. The therapist then got a towel and carefully - a little too carefully for Pati's liking - cleaned his feet. After this the therapist produced a step stool and told Pati to use it to climb on a wooden massage table and lie down on his back. With paper thong flapping, Pati did as he was told.
The therapist then massaged the entire front (sans the bit covered by the thong) of Pati's body including both sides of his arms and legs with a liberal application of sandlewood oil. Pati thought "This is pretty embarrassing but at least I didn't have to roll over." The therapist then said "Roll over" to Pati (Pati again wished that he and Beebee had been more careful in developing their scream for help protocol).
Pati rolled over with considerable effort since he found himself more slippery than any fish. The massage continued on Pati's backside, backside included. After about a total of thirty minutes, the front and back massage ended - much to Pati's relief. It was now time for oil to be poured on Pati's head. The therapist again said "Turn over." Pati found this even more difficult than the first time and wondered if this massage was covered by his travel insurance.
When Pati finally flopped over, a second therapist entered the room (great) and prepared Pati for the oil application. The second therapist put plugs in Pati's ears, covered his eyes with something white, and tied a string around the upper half of Patti's forehead (Pati is pretty sure the mechanics at Jiffy Lube do this too). Then the warm oil started flowing from a brass bowl with a hole in the bottom. Pati peeped around the white things covering his eyes and estimated that the bowl would hold about sixteen ounces of oil. After about a gallon of oil had dripped on Pati's head he realized that the therapist team must have been recycling the oil. Eventually the treatment ended.
Pati was pretty oily at this point and looked forward to showering in the small bathroom attached to the treatment room. That was a mistake. After another very careful foot wiping, the therapists walked Pati to the bathroom and sat him on the toilet (lid down - Pati's first break). They then filled a five gallon bucket with extremely hot water and used a large measuring cup to pour the water on Pati, lathering him all the time. They then rinsed Pati and meticulously dried him with towels. Even though - under careful supervision - they let Pati partially dress himself they again carefully wiped his feet, put on his socks, and tied his shoes.
Pati then paid for his and Beebee's treatments and gave all the therapists a nice tip (so they would never do this to him again). At the end he asked Beebee what she thought of her treatment. She said nothing but gave Pati one of her special looks. She then abruptly spun a 540 degree turn on her heels and oiled out the door.
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