A Fawlty Towers Moment

Pati and Beebee are staying two nights at a nice resort in Madurai. After arriving at about 2:30 pm without stopping for lunch, they "had the rest of the day free" (tour-speak for nothing else planned) to have a late lunch, wander about the property, and relax in their suite.

The restaurant is a large, simple-yet-elegant room with all dark wood furnishings. Pati and Beebee were greeted by a lovely hostess (let's call her Polly, although that probably isn't a common name for a resident of Tamil Nadu) and given their choice of tables. She then brought them the menus, one with many pages of Indian foods and one large laminated card with Italian food. Pati and Beebee were ready for some comfort food and decided to order two personal-sized pizzas from the Italian menu. They settled on a veggie pizza and a pork sausage pizza (the Fairfax County health nurse didn't say anything about pork...) and waited for the waiter to arrive to take their order.

On cue, the waiter (let's call him Manuel, although that probably isn't a common name here either) arrived and said, in English, "Are you ready?" Pati and Beebee said "yes." Manuel then collected the menus and walked away.

Pati and Beebee sat in shocked silence, unsure what had just happened. It seemed certain that no food could arrive if no food was ordered. After a few minutes, they caught the eye of the hostess and explained what had happened. She, in turn, wanted to be sure that it was a waiter that took the menus. Perhaps she did not know the word "waiter" but this remark was in keeping with a Fawlty Towers theme.

The hostess then personally attempted to take the order for the pizzas. This was clearly not in her job description, as she was unfamiliar with the Italian menu, but she tried valiantly. At this point, it was unclear just what would come out of the kitchen, but hungry people will eat what is set before them.

Faster than any pizza place in the US, two small pizzas arrived, a veggie and a pork sausage. They looked good and tasted good. The only surprise was that the "pork sausage" appeared to be sliced Vienna sausages. At least if it came out of a sealed can, it shouldn't cause food poisoning.

Hungry people will eat what is set before them.

Written Monday 11 March 2013

Posted with Blogsy

Indian Traffic Rules

Written Sunday, 10 March 2013
When Pati and Beebee visited India the first time, they were puzzled by the traffic rules. Perhaps it was Northern India rules that were the problem. Pati and Beebee are now in South India. Simon, the driver assigned to take them on their 5-day tour through Kerara and Tamil Nadu, is a very good driver and obviously understands all the rules of the road. From close observation of Simon's driving, this is Beebee's new understanding of the rules.
Most roads are meant to carry traffic in both directions. Vehicles tend to stay to their left on the roadway.
Sometimes there is a dashed line or solid line(s) in the middle of the roadway. This is merely a suggestion of where the middle of fhe road is; it has nothing to do with where vehicles drive. This is true even when multiple lanes are indicated for both directions.
Each direction of traffic uses up to 110% of the roadway. (This is based on an assumption that the width of the shoulder on each side is approximately 10% of the width of the roadway itself.) Motorcycles frequently drive on the shoulder.
Passing of a slower vehicle is acceptable, provided that the opposing traffic is not occupying all of the space that would be needed for passing (except see above: it can be assumed that an opposing motorcycle will move over onto the shoulder). Passing a vehicle that is itself passing another vehicle is acceptable. (And so by induction...) Today Beebee saw a two-way roadway completely filled with traffic going in one direction.
The procedure for passing another vehicle is to ease to the right to see if anything is coming in the opposite direction; if there isn't (or if there is but there is enough space and/or time), honk at the other vehicle and then pass it, pulling back in front of it immediately.
if there is a fender-bender, stop and work it out with the other driver. Other drivers in the viscinity have the right to stop, get out, and help judge who is at fault. Whatever happens, do not get the police involved: there will be too much paperwork. (Pati and Beebee observed this happening today on a narrow road between Munnar and Madurai.)
Always drive as fast as you can. Beebee has not seen a speed limit sign yet (or possibly just doesn't recognize them when she sees them).
Beebee has not been able to fathom what traffic lights have to do with traffic in India.
Unlike some of Pati's posts, none of this has been made up.

Posted with Blogsy

The longest way to travel 100 feet...

When their time in Egypt ended, Pati and Bebee found themselves exiting the shuttle bus between terminals at the Cairo airport. The bus also seems to make various unrelated stops in Cairo but eventually arrived at the international departures terminal. When they got off the bus, Beebee pointed to a sign about 100 feet away that said "International Check-In" and said "I think that's it." At that instant two porters appeared and seized their bags. Since they were used to overly agressive providers of service they went along with it. Egypt is on hard times and they assumed the porters really needed to earn a couple bucks.
The lead porter, who had an official airport uniform on, said "Where are you going?" Pati answered "Etihad international departures." The porter said "Show me your ticket!" that seemed odd but there was a paper sign on the door of the airport stating an admission fee (Pati and Beebee were never charged) so a lot of things seemed odd.
Pati and Beebee produced the ticket and the lead porter said "You are going the wrong way." He and the assistant porter began a rapid retreat with Pati and Beebee's luggage. Pati and Bebee scrambled to follow. They went past dozens of domestic check in gates and turned up a long hallway that didn't lead anywhere.
The lead porter said "Give me you ticket!" Pati said "What?" The porter said "Give me you ticket, I check . You wait here." Pati and Beebee produced the ticket and waited with the assistant porter as the lead porter scampered down the hallway.
When the lead returned he said "Are you in a group?" Pati and Beebee thought this an odd question but answered "No." He said "This way for groups and the line is very long." The long hallway was empty except for Pati, Beebee, and their two porters.
The lead porter said "There is another way with no line but it will cost you twenty." Pati said "Twenty what?" The lead porter answered "Twenty." Pati said "Twenty Egyptian or twenty American?" The porter replied "Twenty." His ability to speak English seemed to have vanished.
Pati had already tipped the porter so he assumed the twenty was some sort of airport fee. He had been to Orlando so he knew any sort of fee was possible. Pati did not have twenty Egyptian (about 60 cents) so he held up twenty American and said "Is this ..." Before he got to say " it," the lead porter ripped the bill from hand and started a rapid retreat. The lead porter had a luggage cart with half the luggage and the second porter was about 50 feet ahead carrying two bags in a near trot. Pati stayed with the lead porter and Beebee trotted after his assistant since she is fond of our luggage.
As they jogged along, the lead porter said "You tip my friend!" Pati said that he had already given the tip for the luggage. He said "You are rich, I am poor, you tip my friend. Obama good." Since they had been so helpful, Pati tipped his friend using Pati's last 50 Egyptian pounds.
When they reached a door with a conveyor belt sticking out of it, the porters literally threw the luggage on the belt and literally ran from sight, probably off to help another traveler.
Pati and Beebee went through the door. Beebee said "This is where we were going in the first place." The line was long and the service proceeded at a glacial pace. Pati said "Do you think we were scammed?" Beebee gave Pati one of her very long looks.
Later, Pati and Beebee wanted a snack. Pati asked if they took Visa or dollars. They said "No, only Egyptian pounds." Since his Egyptian pounds were in the second porter's pocket, he became very angry. As he left without a snack, he saw a sign that said "Public Relations." He went to the desk and said "How can you expect tourists to come to this country if they can't even walk through an airport without being scammed?" Then he described what had happened. They looked at him as if he were the dumbest man in Egypt since Pharoh Akhenaten (Pati thought that too).
Then things got interesting. The man at the public relations counter said "We want tourists to come to Egypt and this should never have happened. Will you help us find this porter?" Since Pati and Beebee still had two hours before their flight, Pati said he would help. The man asked Pati for a description of the porter. Pati, always aware of his surroundings, said "He may have been Egyptian and he wore some kind of uniform." The man behind the desk asked for Beebee to come over and confirm these details.
The man behind the desk then made a call and eight policemen in street clothes, a detective, and a mid-level military officer arrived. They took Pati and Beebee back to the place where they met the porter and started showing Pati and Beebee employees in the various uniforms used at the airport. Pati identified the uniform. Then the officers started bringing individual employees saying "Is this the one?" Pati thought he recognized one but it turned out to be Beebee. Then they brought an employee and Beebee said "That is him!" Every one said "Are you sure?" She said she was. Even though Pati suspected that she might be trying to shift suspicion from herself, he didn't say anything. The police searched the man and found Pati's twenty and the original tip. The police had Pati sign a complaint written in Arabic and gave him back the twenty plus the tip. Pati said he didn't need the tip back but the police said if he didn't take it the porter would go to jail. Pati took the money.
There are good Egyptians and bad Egyptians just like there are good people and bad people everywhere. The good Egyptians want to help and definitely want tourists. They deserve them! The bad ones had better watch their annual performance reviews.

Posted with Blogsy

On the Road to Munnar, India

Pati and Beebee left Fort Cochin this morning (9 March 2013) at 6:30 am headed for Munnar with their driver, Simon. It was necessary to leave so early so that they could observe elephant washing beginning at 8 am on a river. They were the second group to arrive on the riverbank, and several other groups arrived before the elephants did. While waiting, they observed several Indian men out in the middle of the river washing clothes and then bathing themselves. Then elephants came down the same small road that the people followed from the main road; there were three of them with 2 handlers each. They were walked into the river and made to lie down on their sides; then their handlers scrubbed them good all over. It is a daily ritual, and everyone (elephants and handlers) seemed to enjoy the time in the river.

At about 9 am, Simon took Pati and Beebee to a homestay very near the elephant washing for breakfast. It was a simple delicious meal, with chipatti (flat round bread), potato curry, chickpea curry, tiny bananas, rice, coffee (for Pati), black tea (for Beebee), cold water, and spiced coconut meat and candied banana slices for dessert. The total cost, including tip, was 220 rupees ($4.40 USD). The husband and wife running the homestay were very friendly. The wife produced a guest register for Pati to sign, and proudly showed off her collection of small bills from visitors from many countries. Pati gave her a US one dollar bill for her collection. She is yet another type of world traveler: she stays at home, and the world comes to her.

Continuing on toward Munnar, Simon stopped at a roadside spice exhibit and store. Pati and Beebee were guided through a large garden where specimens of many spices were exhibited. (The guide, a young Indian woman, had very good English that switched between British English and American English.) They saw huge jackfruit for the first rime, and a gigantic form of bay leaf. After the tour, they stopped to buy some whole spices from the store associated with the garden. As they were finding their way back to the entrance, they were stopped by an Indian family who wanted to talk about the spices they bought. But that seemed to just be an excuse to talk with Americans. They were extremely friendly, and their (British-flavor) English was very good. From the wife, Beebee learned a word in their dialect (Malayalam) for "daughter": makal. Pati and Beebee miss their makal very much!

Finally in Munnar, Pati and Beebee checked into their hotel and had a small late lunch while their luggage was delivered to their room. Simon then drove them to the tea museum, where they watched a film on the history of tea in Munnar and then watched how tea leaves are processed. One of the workers in the factory took a special interest in Pati and let him "beyond the ropes" to see the machines up close. The worker took Pati and Beebee through each part of the process, even to the drying room where he fed wood logs to the huge stove. He posed for a picture in front of the fire and seemed to enjoy explaining the whole process.

Simon with Munnar Tea Plantation

After the tea museum, Simon drove Pati and Beebee to a lookout point and directed them to walk down a steep road into a tea plantation so that they could see the plants up close. The scenery is so beautiful; it is hard to stop taking pictures.

Simon then drove them back to their hotel, and he went off to spend the night with a friend. He will be back at 9:30 am Sunday to continue the tour to Madurai, where Pati and Beebee will spend the next 2 nights.

Posted with Blogsy

Cochin, India Through Rafi's Eyes

On Tuesday 5 March 2013, their first day in Cochin, Pati and Beebee decided to "check in" with the tour company that is to take them on a 5-day excursion through the states of Kerara and Tamil Nadu beginning Saturday. The tour company is called Carnival Travel. Pati has been corresponding with Peter of Carnival Travel for several months to set up the visits and hotels. Peter has very good English and has been very helpful, even so far as to talk with the hotel owner in Cochin to make sure the room was confirmed, even though Peter and his company did not make the reservation and do not profit in any way (except in good will) from this service. Peter's father was at work and recomfirmed all the arrangements for the Carnival tour. He also was able to arrange for a guide/tuk-tuk driver to drive Pati and Beebee around Cochin for a few hours on Wednesday to see the local sights.
The guide's name was Rafi. (if it wasn't "Rafi" it was something that sounded like Rafi.) With about 3 hours of driving and viewing, they visited (in some forgotten order):

• The fishermen's village, where boats were drawn up on the sand
• An outdoor area where a large number of men were making a huge fishing net
• A spice market, where Pati and Beebee bought several kinds
• The laundry, where clothes are washed, dried, and ironed the old-fashoned way (beat against concrete blocks by a man up to his knees in water, hung on twisted hemp lines outside to dry, and ironed with a heavy (6 kg) metal iron heated by coconut shells burning inside it). This laundry is used by the hospitals and hotels. Beebee looked for their laundry but didn't see it.
• St Francis Chuch, where Vasco da Gama was buried for 14 years before his body was returned to Portugal
• A Jain temple
• A spice warehouse, where they observed piles of spices, one type per room (they saw the black pepper room and the ginger room)
• View Point, which was the top floor of a tourist store with a good view of the harbor
• The grand opening of an Ice cream shop. This happened by chance as they drove by and saw a video being made. Rafi stopped and everyone had a free chai masala and small handful of sugar crystals and raisins.
• A private museum being cared for by the widow of the owner
• An oriental-looking temple surrounded by a pond and a fence topped by barbed wire, open only once a year with much celebrating and elephants
• Various road side temples (with a stop just long enough for a photo out the side of the tuk/tuk), one of them for snakes (cobras)

After touring, they had lunch at Casa Linda, then napped in their air-conditioned room before attending a cultural performance that included kathakali. Here they were able to observe the actor applying makeup before the performance. Following this performance (the whole experience took 2.5 hours), they headed to Dal Roti for dinner. Pati and Beebee are vegetarians this week, which is hard in a town that prides itself on its seafood. After Beebee's food poisoning in Barcelona, they are trying to strictly follow the Fairfax County health nurse's admonition to avoid chicken and fish. Beef doesn't seem to be available here (where cows are sacred) and they will not eat lamb.
Written Wednesday 6 March 2013

Posted with Blogsy

A dangerous transaction...

As Pati and Beebee have traveled, they have noticed that the TP rolls in their hotels have gotten smaller and smaller. Today, Pati noticed that their roll had only about 40 tissues. Upon inspection, he determined that it was actually a new roll!
While trying to learn their way around Cochin, Patti and Beebee walked to a sundries store that was about 10 feet by 15 feet in size. The merchant greeted them and asked what they wanted. At that point, eyes narrowed and voices became low. The merchant said "Sir, I am an honest man, but - out of curiosity - how much do you seek?" Pati held the merchant in a steely gaze and said "At least enough for five American wipes."
The merchant gasped and quickly closed the door to his shop. His voice came in a whisper "Such a thing can be had but it is very difficult and will be very expensive." Pati said he was willing to pay what was needed. The merchant then broached the question of grit and tried to offer extra coarse. Pati said "I will accept nothing rougher than medium." The merchant clicked his tongue and said "Come back - one hour." As Pati and Beebee left they heard pounding and beating sounds from the yard behind the shop. When they returned, the merchant spat out "Thirty rupees!" Pati threw down fifty and said keep the change (since 30 rupees is sixty American cents).
When they carried their prize back to the room (avoiding prying eyes), Beebee quickly hid it in a secret chamber.
Aside from the parts which are not, this is all true! The rest Pati made up.

Posted with Blogsy

Egyptian Traders aka Touts

In Egypt, touts are called "traders" even though the trade is your money for their product or "service." Normally, traders are the "in your face" obnoxious men who thrust postcards, scarves, hats, sunglasses, bookmarks (anything you really don't want) in your face as you attempt to walk briskly toward a temple or other attraction that you really intend to spend money for. It is hard to keep in mind that this selling is their only livelihood and there are far fewer tourists to go around since the revolution.
Since the revolution of 2011 the traders have become even bolder, crowding the entrances of historical sites and creating a gauntlet between the tourist busses and the entrances. They approach everyone and do not take "no" for an answer. "No" is yes and no reply at all is "maybe" and "maybe later" becomes "yes" on the return to the bus ("you promised ..."). They are excellent in singling out the weaker members of the tourist herd (small delicate-looking ladies are a favorite target) and attacking them, draping scarves over their target's shoulders with the apparent philosophy of "you touch it you buy it." Beebee refuses to be a delicate-looking lady and ignores their overtures of "oh you look like a doctor with your glasses" (a common ploy in Cairo).
The day after Pati and Beebee (and the group) visited Karnak temple in Luxor, the guide told them that the traders had gone on strike at Karnak and closed the temple. This seemed incredible. What did it mean to go on strike? To refuse to hastle tourists? That didn't make sense. The only understandable scenario was that the traders blocked the tourists from entering, but that seemed extreme and where were the police in that case? There was no good explanation.
After weeks of trying to ignore traders, Pati and Beebee experienced a new kind of tout on the Nile cruise. These traders were primarily fishermen but also sold merchandise (or more likely the other way around). Traders would bring their boats alongside the Domina Prestige Nile cruise ship and offer their wares to anyone that was visible on the top deck or in windows. These traders were selling shirts. Each shirt was inside a plastic bag that the trader would heave onto the top deck (about 40 feet above water level) toward any passenger that seemed interested. The potential customer was expected to try on the shirt. If the shirt didn't fit (or wasn't wanted in the first place), the passenger would toss the shirt back down to the boat. (Yes, some shirts fell in the water.) If the shirt was wanted, the customer tossed the payment back down in the original plastic bag. (Yes, some money fell into the water.) The traders that accompanied the ship through the locks on the Nile (standing on the locks) also offered table cloths and napkins. It was amusing to watch, because the traders were far below. Then Beebee noticed that, as the water level lowered, the traders were getting much closer to the passengers! But the gates opened, and the traders were quickly left behind.

Posted with Blogsy